Watching Paranormal State

3 AM Wake Up Calls

The past several days I find myself awake at 3. I’m not really sure why, but it’s a sense of uneasiness. Lots of energy.  It seemed as though the earth was awake. Here again I find myself awake and trying to find a way to occupy my time and drift back into dream land. So, I decided to do a sesarch for earth energies and 3 am. I ran into this blog. I have no idea who the author is or what exactly her blog is about, but the post dated 3/15/09 it resonates with me.  It’s almost pretty close to what I feel. What’s surprising is the dates. From the Spring Equinox as this started a few days before and continues. I do have to get up in a few hours to get ready for work, so I’m desperately trying to mellow the energies so I can get to rest. Strange feeling this is. Oh what’s different about this morning, is a slight bit of nausea.

Good night.

Dusting the Cobwebs

It’s been sometime since this blog has been touched with my thoughts. It’s been a strange 6 months.  And with the shift in economy,  I’m sure the strange energy is just the beginning.

Earlier I was walking down to buy my lunch. I was contemplating about today and some of the events that have already transpired. In the beginning of the year we were given a task by my employer to contact a few members of our group / department and ask what they thought of us personally and professionally. We were required to ask one who we’ved worked with in the past, one we never worked with and one randomly. My boss believed that this exercise would help us in our professional development. And where I understood his point, there were something left that had me reconsidering the exercise. One was for professional development, I didn’t see the importance of us asking what others thought of us on a personal level.  But,  it was a task and we did this exercise.

I think because I’m a witch and I’m always self reflecting I do often think of my actions and how I project myself onto others. As I want to be considerate and not project as though I’m being difficult. Especially in a work environment and just life in general. I try to be courteous to my fellow man. 

The work exercise confirmed detail I already knew of myself. But the thing that I found interesting was this.  One person felt that I was unapproachable, kinda bitchy and difficult to work with. Granted I had never worked with this person. This was an assumption made on their part. Then the other two; one I worked with and one I did not, felt that I was very motivated and deteremined. They said they liked that from me because they aspired to the same and thought I had the confidence to show it. Oh and they said that they felt I was very approachable.

What I find fascinting is through all the discussions they were all saying the same thing. However, one thought it was a negative while others thought it was a positive. Very fascinting.

I’ve always believed that really how life is always based on how you view it. How you see the things that are in front of you and how you choose to interpret them.  So, how does one deal with that in a work environment? When everything you do is scrutinized by someone else’s assumptions? Do you bend your character to accomodate the overly sensitive ones? Do you change yourself to be happy? How do you function in a society that won’t look that themselves inward and focuses solely on themselves. I say this not as though I’m not bitchy at times. I’m human, I can be a bitchy witch. But I give people passes. I don’t make assumptions on why someone was rude or take it personal.  So, how do you work with those that do? it’s really sucha  fine balancing act and interchange of social interplay.  But lately because of the issues at work I realize no matter how much I bend, I will not make everyone happy nor will I get on everyone’s good side.

What do you think?

Artful Soul Searching

A Look Within, Artist: Marjorie

 

I wouldn’t call myself an artist. I actually haven’t even begun to analyze what being an artist is to me. But, that statement in itself is who I am. I analyze things, especially how I look at things. Today this is where I find myself, wondering why I do this and it’s importance.

Okay, let’s go back to art, this is really my subject for the post. I find that I need art in some form in my life. Whether it’s looking at art or creating it. I need this. I find that creating art, playing with paper, paints, inks and other mediums brings a certain satisfaction to me. I’m not sure what it is, but it’s a sense of feeling. Like a release. But, for me art isn’t merely just my expression placed in a medium for others to view and yes critique.  Then again there is a side to myself that enjoys producing work that others enjoy as well. Sometimes incorporating deadlines to induce the need to create with pressure. It’s a maddening because of the stress, yet a great release once it’s complete. I haven’t quite figured why I need that stress or what it means for me and my art, but I indulge in this madness from time to time. It adds to a creative spark. What I have noticed is that for me there is meaning in everything I do. I could be over analyzing things way to much, but it occupies my time and makes me feel a little stronger and also as if I’ve grown in some sense. This growth, this whole artistic process, for me is soul nourishing. I look at art as another expression of yourself within. Also a way for you to grow and learn more about yourself. And it’s art in any form. Some dance, write, sing, create furniture, whatever outlet there’s some soulful, spiritual connection. At least it seemed to be this is how I always saw it. For me I look for outlets that will help feed that. I participate in things that will help inspire me and bring me closer to learning more about myself. Does this make me any better than anyone else. No, of course not. But you know sometimes perspective is so narrow that when you step outside yourself you’re struck with something different than what you know. This is what recently happened to me. Possibly because I never thought to think outside my perspective, who knows. 

I noticed there are some who create art at the same maddening pace, but never see the art with a spiritual / soulful connection.  That is astonishing to me. They say they create art because they enjoy it and its satisfying to them. But, when I bring up the fact that well doesn’t satisfaction signal a sense of inner peace or growth? And if it does, doesn’t that mean there is some sense of connection within you maybe a spiritual growth? I don’t know, again I read way too much into things. And I guess for some it’s really as simple as just enjoying something that they do and if it brings a sense of joy, there need not be further analyzing to it. It is, what it is. I must learn simplicity. 

But for those who think about growing spiritually and learning about yourself using art as a medium, you should check out the Soul Collage Cards. It’s a way for you to create cards, to help understand your inner self and about you. The deck is similar to an oracle, not to be confused with a tarot deck. An oracle has alternative symbolism (what I mean is, alternative to the general symbolism to tarot cards) that triggers emotions, feelings and understanding about yourself. Though you can take any oracle and read on it using the meaning that’s provided by the artist of the oracle deck, creating one for you that personifies with your meanings and understanding provides a deeper look into yourself.

Learning New Skills

I know I have written about the issues I’ve had at work with a few of my co-workers. And I know that the way for me to deal with the situation was really to deal with my reaction to the situation. But, there was something about that which seemed hopeless, powerless and submissive that I could only deal with my reaction without being in the offense. I’m not one who can be in the back end constantly defending myself. I always found myself being thrown back into the craziness of it all.  Then I read an article called Working With You is Killing Me. The authors are the same authors who wrote the book. So, I bought it. I’ve been reading it the last few days and I’m learning a lot. I’m not really learning how to deal with the situation with my co-worker, but I’m learning how to deal with other situations and I’m feeling a bit empowered.

It’s a nice feeling.

So, if you’re dealing with tough issues at work I suggest this:

Cover of the book, image taken from Barns and Nobles.

Working with you is Killing Me Blog

A Moment

I came to a stop light I was briefly lost in my thoughts, preoccupied by list of to do’s. When I sat back and drifted from my mind to the existing plane, the song in the background faded in. At the same time I noticed the woman in the car waiting to make a left turn singing the song I was listening to. I smiled to see that someone was enjoying a bit of music in their day. I watched her as her car turned to the left, only to have my attention taken away by the woman in the car next to me, singing the same song.
For that moment in time we experienced something together but only I was aware. It was a nice moment.

My Grandmother’s Passing

My grandmother passed recently. Unfortunately my father’s side is a bit complicated.  There are a lot of emotions, including anger.  Some feelings of resentment and things that will never come to a closure by discussion with my grandmother. At least not in the living.  Even though I wasn’t directly involved in a lot of the heartache I still suffered my own feelings of resentment and pain. But, for me I’ve come to terms with what I can. And I know that was said is some how enlightened to my grandmother. That she truly and wholely understands all things that were in relation to the existing issues.  I think she knows now what hurts were present and misunderstandings that were hidden are now revealed. And it’s not that I say this because of some assumption that this is what I choose to believe. But, it’s the energy that has surrounded me. Every person will have to deal with their own issues and each will deal with them at different times. I know we can only move forward now. I see a slight glimmer of hope. The path laid before us all is not an easy one to endure, but it is a path none the less filled with challenges we must face together as a family. Each challenge will make or break our bond testing it strength.

Faith.

Small Insights

Today I learned that sometimes I over think things too much.

Understanding My Current Situation

I’ve been going through a lot of stuff lately. Every time I find myself contemplating my existence. Then I go back to trying to live life. Back to normal I guess. But for some reason this time, it’s really stuck to me. The things that I’m leaving behind. What is my legacy? I’m not looking at materialistic things. It’s more, did I teach my children things that they will take with them. Will they remember me? Will they say that they knew their mother?

I started to think back about all the things I’ve given them. The time we spent together. I wanted to make it something they will remember. So, I decided to start a journal and write down the times that meant so much to us.   And also the share a little bit of how I feel about them.   I’m working on this now.

 

 

My Issue with Karma

I log on to wordpress today and I see one of those highlighted posts with Sharon Stone’s response to the earthquake and Karma.   I’m just going to give a brief snipit of my response…. Here’s the deal, yes there is Karma and it does happen, but you nor anyone else can determine what karma is being given at the time someone is going through a negative experience or a good one.  Yeah there’s good Karma.

For example an exboyfriend of mine thought I was doing something behind his back. But, I wasn’t. I didn’t find out till months later he was on drugs and that’s why he was so parnoid. But, during that time I got into a car accident. It was a life changing altering experience that made drastic changes to how I viewed my life. Was it Karma? I’m sure. And everyone thought it was too. In fact they all believed it was karma as a direct result of doing something behind my ex’s back.  But here’s the deal people who love to spit out, “oh that’s karma.” Yeah it’s karma somewhere but you don’t really know where the focus is coming from. There was no specific bell that rang and said karma is placed on you for this… 

Don’t get me wrong I don’t agree with what’s happening in China.  But, I’m just so tired of hearing Karma tossed around as if everyone understands and knows it completely to give word to it.  and isn’t sharon stone a scientologist? They believe in Karma?

Quoting the Panda commercial, “People are lame…”