Being Sick

It was another trip to the hospital for me last night.  The visits are a little too frequent for me.  And I’m getting frustrated with the fact that I’m not getting better.  I’m thinking about going to get Ayurveda treatment.  I’d prefer to go to India for this, but I think traveling there would be a little difficult. There are some centers in California that are certified and have affiliation with India’s centers. So, I just have to find the right one.   But, I’m not happy that things aren’t getting better. I need to start healing myself. I just need to rest and bring my strength up.

I do admit it seems like my fear is coming to fruition and I don’t want it to.  I need to make changes to prevent it.  I think when I almost drowned as a child that fear had stayed with me.  It was so strong I didn’t even like to go swimming.  But, about 15 years ago I told myself I had to swim better.  I figured it would be the only way to keep myself from drowning. And now I do know how to swim better. It’s just strange strange that later in my life the my fear of the water has been removed and I develop asthma and the feeling of suffocation the same fear I had with swimming. No air.  I speak with others who have asthma and even though they have it under control they know they’ll die from it. Everyone they knew with asthma has died from it.  It sounds so hopeless.

Some of my choices to keep myself healthy is to move. The pollution in the area that I live in is really bad. But, I move from pollution to the great outdoors where pollen will just aggravate it.  I’m also allergic to everything including bees. I’m sad that I will never live in a home with the smell of beautiful flowers surrounding me. My husband has surround us with unique and beautiful succulents. So, there are always alternatives… there’s always hope.

Ayurveda is my next stop. Hopefully it will be helpful.