My Grandmother’s Passing
My grandmother passed recently. Unfortunately my father’s side is a bit complicated. There are a lot of emotions, including anger. Some feelings of resentment and things that will never come to a closure by discussion with my grandmother. At least not in the living. Even though I wasn’t directly involved in a lot of the heartache I still suffered my own feelings of resentment and pain. But, for me I’ve come to terms with what I can. And I know that was said is some how enlightened to my grandmother. That she truly and wholely understands all things that were in relation to the existing issues. I think she knows now what hurts were present and misunderstandings that were hidden are now revealed. And it’s not that I say this because of some assumption that this is what I choose to believe. But, it’s the energy that has surrounded me. Every person will have to deal with their own issues and each will deal with them at different times. I know we can only move forward now. I see a slight glimmer of hope. The path laid before us all is not an easy one to endure, but it is a path none the less filled with challenges we must face together as a family. Each challenge will make or break our bond testing it strength.
Faith. My grandmother was a catholic and I was born one as well. Though I am not a catholic now, but a wiccan, one who follows the nature religion, green witch or what ever you deam to call me, I still have the utmost respect for those who are devoted to their beliefs. I never felt it was ever a place for me to judge. And though there are horrible things in each religion, there is always a peace and love to them as well. And out of respect and dedication to the family and our culture I pray with them for the dead. When a person dies in our family it is tradition to pray for 9 days from the day of death. This is called the Novena. Though I’m unfamiliar with it’s meaning for us it’s a time of prayer and family. We gather together every night during this time and pray the rosary. We do this while thinking of the loved one we have lost. But most of all during this time we are there for each other, helping us deal with the loss. After prayers we have dinner and talk about memories of those who have passed. We talk about things that made us smile, laugh and even cry. It helps us cope with what we are going through.
After the 9th day ends, we mourn till we have reached the fortieth day. In other words, we deal with the death and acknowledge what we have lost. It’s my understanding that during this time, the departed one’s spirit roams the earth giving it the chance to say goodbye to those they have left. On the 40th day we celebrate their life and their passing onto ‘heaven’. And it’s truly a day of celebration for their soul has left the earth and a new path begins with their life in ‘heaven’.
Though this is not my belief there are things about this tradition that I love. The 9 days that our family shares being close to one another, being there for each other, crying together and feeling the pain. Then the understanding to deal with what we have lost for the next days to come. To the final 40th day where we celebrate the person’s life. And I mean truly celebrate. We are together again as a family remebering the one we have lost. For me, I think it’s a helpful healing method. It helps on an individual level along with a the family as a whole. And though this is not my faith, this is my family’s culture and I would not change it any of it even though my beliefs differ. I can only respect it and welcome this as another way that my family bonds. We bond in many different ways, but when death comes, I’d prefer family close and why not in prayer.
