I was speaking with Jenna the other day and she enlightened me on the things I’ve been suspecting. Lanie still does have it out for me. She’s got most of our team thinking badly about me. She’s also has it out for two others, Veronica the new girl and Alyssa our team lead. I had heard that the last team she was on where David was the lead, the issues were the same. She was able to create chaos in the team as well. I’m counting the days this project will be over and the teams moved around again.
Well, Jenna was explaining that the team is upset with me. They think I’m mean, pushy, rude and out to get everyone. I had to laugh. All these people think this way of me, but I don’t interact with them at all. My duty on this project has left me pretty isolated from the team. I’m handling a lot of things that doesn’t involve their portion of the project. So, it’s interesting to hear that they’re upset for things I’ve done. Because I haven’t done anythning to them. I don’t even have that opportunity to. Then I started to find humor in all this mess that Lanie’s created. People are believing in things she’s saying rather then coming to me and directly addressing them. I want to approach them, but this has happened before where the person I approach is so upset that they go running to Lanie for advise. I’ve decided I’m done. I’m throwing in the towel and just letting her run a muck. I’m going to focus on my work. I’m going to let others thing what they will. If they can’t take the time to find out if these rumors are true, there’s really nothing I can do.
I just have to learn how to keep myself away from it.
I know I’ve touched a little bit on the co-worker in my office who seemed to have it out for me. The update on the situation is I mended that bridge. In some sense. We speak but for me it’s because I we’re on the same team. We have to associate. And unfortunate circumstances have placed us in the same situation.
Lately, I’ve noticed our team has been rather unhappy. The co-worker, let’s call her Lanie texts me read more…
I’m a very different person today, than I was 15 years ago. There are things about me now that I noticed have changed. And life it self has moved on. In my new life I rarely go out in the evening unless it’s for an evening out with my husband or friends. But, I rarely go out alone. My husband who had been gone for a few days is finally returning. But, the other night I had to pick him up at the airport. His flight was late and it was a last minute change in his schedule. The plane landed at 2AM which meant I had to go get gas. Well I didn’t want to be out alone at 1 putting gas in the car. So, I instead I decided to get gas around 10:30. Which is about the sametime I found out that the plans had changed.
I’ve been more focused with work and the classes I’ve been taking. I’ve also been trying to focus on my personal home business. And today it all seemed to come to some stand still. I opened my journal and noticed I haven’t written in some time. I also have visited this little home less and less. But I find myself here. With noting focused to say. Just random thoughts and inner babble.
I know I’ve said before, that I want to believe that people are generally good hearted. That most of the time it’s just a misunderstanding. But, I’m finding that lately people are very underhanded and sneaky. Again I’m dooped into believing and trusting in people only to find out I’ve been used in some way to meet their means.
This year started with challenges and hasn’t quite let up. Of course I did a tarot reading back in December that for told of issues to come. But, did I plan for it? Did I prepare for it to make the difficult times a little easier? No, of course not. So what is the point for doing tarot readings if I don’t change the negative? I don’t know sometimes I think I’m a bit of masochist and I enjoy some level of pain and suffering.
I know I don’t talk much about my life other than my spirituality, but I own a small home base business part time. Last year was a difficult one for me. The money was good, but I wondered if it was worth my headaches. So, I took step away from it all and decided to re-think what I was doing and if it was really worth the stress. I came to realize recently that I miss it. I enjoyed it very much even with the stress that it gave. I’m an artist, so what I did provided me a bit of release and joy. Without it I’m a bit sad. So, this month I’ve found a new wind and I’m feeling stronger and more alive. No we’re still suffering through some difficulties, but I see where and what I have control over to do. I am learning from the past experience and I will prepare myself better so that if I am in the same situations I’ll know better how to react and also know what to do. The break really did me well. It helped me see something about myself and my choices. I feel more dedicated and focused and I like that. I missed this part of me.
If you’ve read Who Moved My Cheese, then you understand the title.
Yes, I do believe Karma exists. But, there is more then just that one aspect to life happening. There’s psychic leaks that influence your day. People’s focus, your unknown focus or even known focus also help. I’m sure there’s others I’ve missed, but the fact is Shit Happens. It just does and it’s uncontrolled and never part of what’s planned. I think that’s why we call it “shit”. Or we can make it sound nicer and say, God, Goddess, the Universe. Personally, when it’s not pleasant, Shit is a better term for me. It also keeps a little humor in my outlook to name it something that’s really nothing pleasing to ponder on.
They say that if you’re aware of your thoughts it can help you gain focus and strength in understanding yourself more. Also exhibit more control over you. At one point in time this was an easier task than it is now. It’s true our thoughts are so automatic that even when we’re thinking negatively about something we really don’t realize what we’re thinking. Yes we are thinking the negative thoughts, but we may not necessarily realize that the thoughts are negative and in some sense or another cause us harm.
Well at least that’s what my family seems to think. See I work, sometimes a lot and sometimes at odd hours. But even when I’m not at work and I’m shopping or out with the girls, I seem to have this wonderful ability to call home right when my husband touches the remote control to play a video game.
I’ve been wanting to respond to Surface Earth’s comment asking more information / description about The Weiser Concise Guide to Herbal Magick, by Judith Hawkins-Tillerson. Tillirson. A little later that expected…
